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My Mythicality: Speak at Your Own Funeral

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If you haven’t read my Lifestyle post on “The Book of Mythicality” I suggest reading that first so the next few blog posts will make sense. I’m not going to necessarily go in order of the book but I would like to evaluate my life through the scope of mythicality.

Rhett and Link suggest speaking at your own funeral which is a concept I can completely get behind because if you are planning your own eulogy then you are thinking about your own death. Like I’ve discussed before, we don’t need to treat death as a taboo subject because unfortunately it will happen to us all and by making death plans you are controlling what you can in an uncontrollable moment. Plus, it takes the pressure off your family and friends during a very trying time.

Lord knows, I’m opinionated about a lot of things so when I went out of the country last year I left my parents a will and instructions of how I wanted my death to be handled. I, also, used this moment to infuse my own morbid sense of humor into something sad. (I really do want the last laugh.) So, I’m going to share some of my requests and what I would want to say when my time has come!

Funeral Plans

First and foremost, do not, I repeat DO NOT, have an open casket unless you can figure out a way to install a Snapchat filter over it. I am not photogenic alive so I can only imagine that I will be a hot mess dead. Also, I hate people who stand around and say, “Oh, she looks so natural.” No she doesn’t she looks dead!

Second, donate all organs/body parts possible. Let’s be real honest they are doing me no good now.

Third, you can throw me in a ditch, put me out to sea, donate me to science, cremate me, whatever. I really don’t care. Don’t waste a bunch of money on things meant to preserve a body that should be (and will eventually) decompose .

Fourth, these are the songs I would like played during the service.

  • In My Life/If We Never Meet Again by Selah

  • All My Tears by Selah

  • And pretty much anything that features Brett Valentine.

  • For the love of all things holy do not play “Take My Life”. I know PK loves that song but it makes me want to stab myself with a spork.

Fifth, I would prefer that the person preaching the service actually know me and not be a downer. I want the Lord and salvation to be preached. Let my last moments be purposeful and funny if possible.

Sixth, DO NOT bury me in super nice clothes, shoes or jewelry. If you have read the top line no one should be looking at me! Save that stuff or sell it on Ebay.

Finally, have a huge party. I’ve gone home and I’m with my father. Plus, there has been some mention of receiving a crown which has me totally stoked! Have great food and even better music. I don’t want to be remembered with sadness but with joy. Laissez les bon temps roulez!

My Message

Hello Y’all! If you’re reading this you can assume I’m dead which dependent on the circumstance may not be all sad. I would like to think I left this earth doing something exciting or heroic but in all likelihood, I tripped over one of my cats. However, if you would like to leave out the whole crazy cat lady vibe I’d appreciate it. I hope the DJ is getting set up and that you have an amazing plate of food in your hand! Enjoy today! Don’t get hung up on death…get excited about life! I love y'all! Let’s PARTY!!!!

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