ReVisited: New Year, New Books #18 Finding a Date Worth Keeping
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I decided to read this book back in October of 2019 because the guarantee of a date on the front cover made me cynical and curious. It was a very interesting read that I recommend to any single woman who is having a hard time navigating through the modern world of dating. (Dr. Cloud also has a podcast and a very active Instagram if you are interested.) You can find the original post here.
In that post, I end with a bit of a gray answer on whether I followed through with Dr. Cloud’s dating challenge, doubting my ability to step outside my comfort zone enough to be successful. So, two years later, how have I fared? Well, I didn’t get a date in six months but I also didn’t throw myself out there completely. He said you wouldn’t be successful if you didn’t go in 100% and I knew about halfway through the book that I was not at a place confidence-wise to fully participate. Also, the quarantine started less than six months later so my options of going out and about were significantly limited which helped me not have to jump in with both feet. Dr. Cloud would probably call my experiment a failure but I think I learned a lot in the process, stretched my comfort zone and attempted things I would have never tried prior to reading this book.
I tried to expand my routine to include new places and people which if I’m honest I didn’t love. I like having new experiences but with people I enjoy spending time with rather than just showing up at a new event with no clue who is going to be there. My squad and I did try to expand our horizons but as I said, the world shut down for a bit and that made it difficult.
One of Dr. Cloud’s biggest critiques is that we are often unapproachable without realizing it. Good news is, I KNOW I’m naturally unapproachable because I’ve been told that my whole life. My resting face and demeanor do not say, “Hi! Please come talk to me, the embodiment of a little ray of sunshine.” I come across as more of an ice queen. I also have the tendency to zone out when I’m on a mission, like grocery shopping, and I don’t have a clue what is going on around me. So, I began to make a concerted effort to be more pleasant and aware in public. It’s still not my natural “setting” but it has made a difference and led to some nice, albeit, pointless conversations.
I’m self-aware enough to know a lot of my dating problems stem from internal issues but I wasn’t real sure what all of those issues were or how to best approach them. This book hit on some of the common issues single women face and I added to this resource several podcasts that focused on similar topics. It was quite eye opening for me and I gained some amazing insight on how I unintentionally self-sabotage. I have worked extremely hard to fight that fear and truthfully, I have made incredible progress. This is an area where many women struggle so it was nice to get a better perspective on our destructive nature. This above everything is the biggest change I’ve had in the last two years and one for which I am eternally grateful.
Finally, I still have my council and they still have the power to tell me the truth whether I like it or not. As always, they are my cheerleaders, voice of reason, fellow adventurers and accountability partners. If you take away nothing else from this, at least find yourself a Godly, trustworthy council. They are the best!