The "Who I Am" List...

This is one of those musings that probably won’t matter a great deal to anyone but me and my mother yet I hope if nothing else it will help you reflect on your own “list”. See, I came across a post on Pinterest not too long ago that said something along the lines of, “Imagine if you could have a list of all the people who contributed to you being you… personality traits, physical attributes, talents, etc.” and that got me to thinking of how so much of who we are is passed down through the generations without much thought and yet, to a sentimental soul like me, it’s a sweet legacy of why I’m unique and why that’s beautiful. 

We are often incredibly critical of ourselves but for me, I find it harder to be as critical when I recognize someone I love in that attribute. For example, my dark brown eyes have always been a bit “blah” to me and I even wore colored lenses for a while trying to add a bit of interest to a very neutral “palette” but after my grandmother passed away, I grew to appreciate my eyes in a different way. They’re her eyes and that I can love. 

Wasn't she gorgeous!

I have my father’s creative mind which became overwhelmingly apparent after a conversation with my parents’ recently concerning how you “see” a story in your head or actually, IF you “see” a story in your head. When I read a book or listen to a podcast, I see the story play out for me in my mind like a movie. When I read a book, I hear the different voices or sounds described. If I’m designing something, from an event to a dress, I can see it in my head and “move it around” or “change the color”. I thought everyone could do this. This is literally how I can remember moments of my life. If I experience something I can remember small details because I can “see it” in my head. Apparently, my dad is the same way and this wasn’t the first time I thought my creative juices came from his side. My mother, on the other hand, doesn’t have this experience. Neither do my closest friends, apparently. It actually explains a lot of confusion and conversations throughout my lifetime. Funny how such an experience is completely individual and yet, such a normal part of our lives that we don’t recognize it as being any different from anyone else. 

Of course, when we get down to who we are genetics explains a lot. As mentioned, my eyes remind me of my grandmother and my face shape always did as well, until I saw a picture of HER mother at about 10 or so. I clearly have the Heidelberg face and hair! I’ve often thought I possessed the Keyes lips and my fair skin (or paleness) must be a Llewellyn or Tillman trait, the best I can tell. I love to see bits of me in old photographs… ties to people I know my parents loved but I never got the chance to meet. It’s just special to me.

Here’s a strange legacy that I can’t quite explain beyond genetics. I like to make my grilled cheese sandwiches with mayonnaise. I don’t like mayo and rarely have it on hand outside of needing it for a recipe but for whatever reason the first time I decided to make myself a grilled cheese sandwich I decided to add mayo because I thought that might make it creamier and it does! The funny thing is I remember standing in my parents’ kitchen in college cooking a sandwich in my usual way when my mother asked me where I got the idea to add mayo. She is a lover of mayo herself but she knows my typical aversion so I’m sure this struck her as odd. I explained my reasoning and she then informed me that my great grandmother Anglin used to put mayo on her grilled cheese sandwiches. Strange, huh? I never met my grandmother but I’d like to think that this is a little bit of her legacy… and my love of Family Feud. IYKYK! 

Is this not fabulous!?!

Other little legacies include my absolute love of old school musicals which I attribute to my Grandma Carol and my Aunt Wendy. My love of fashion which I KNOW comes from my mother but I’d like to think may also come from my Great Aunt Maude whose fur trimmed dress and hat in the midst of 1920s poverty ridden Mississippi makes me laugh even now. I blame my adoration of Christmas on Mother singing Silent Night to me as a baby… For the record, I was born in April. And without a doubt my fascination with shipwrecks comes from my grandmother who kept books on the subject matter and with whom I watched many a PBS Titanic special as a kid. 

Yep, there are about a million tiny pieces of other people who make me who I am and I’d love to know which of those pieces came from even further back. Did my grandmother’s fascination with great disasters come from her great grandfather who ran a newspaper in the mid-1800s? Or does my mother get her singing voice from her great, great grandmother? Where does my dad’s artistic ability come from? His great uncle? An aunt? Wouldn’t you just love a list or a little map to see how we connect to everyone OR even better how some of our traits will be left behind as well? That would be fantastic! Little legacies in smiles and doodles and hymns hummed while dishes are being washed. I just love it all!